Monthly Archives: November 2005

Back at school, turned in my English paper by e-mail last night before
I went to optional Captains Practice which was… invigorating if
tiring.  I actually started my Econ research which is definitely
good (though late)… I have to turn in my E. Asian History paper
tomorrow, about Mao Zedong and what not, and then I’ve technically got
the Econ paper due Thursday at 11:59pm by e-mail…

I also got back my optional Physics test and….. got an 85!!!!!
which is absolutely awesome and makes my grade a legitimate honors
grade after the scale.  Wow, funny how those things work. 
And the Math test that was WICKED hahd, I got that back too and it was
a moderate grade, not good, but not bad so I’m satisfied I 
supposed.  Track is going all right, had a Skills day (yay for

Have to get back to work.  I’m 4 assignments behind on Physics and
it’s not because I’m lazy, I just have that much other stuff to
But I was thinking of ze Switchfoot song, “Twenty
Four”… and I dunno *shrug*.  This week the sets were really good
and I think many people felt something, were touched and felt
reconnected w/ God.  That is DEFINITELY a good thing.  But
it’s gotta be more than that, not cuz I’m an ascetic psycho, it’s
because if it’s nothing more than a feeling, it fades and dies like all
other feelings.  I’m not saying all your emotions are bogus, but
something like love is renewed by a constant reconnection with the
source.  You can’t and shouldn’t expect God to just… drop you a
tear-pulling worship experience every 3 weeks or so.  That WOULD
give you a reconnection, but that kind of fire is… unnatural. 
Most of us do NOT and CANNOT exist in faith as gas explosions. 
Rather, we’re lit stoves, warm and strong, and continuous, or at least
we hope to be.  It’s gotta be MORE THAN a feeling, it’s gotta be
something more innately real and consisten.  That feeling is a
burst of light and heat, but is gone in a flash.

That’s my deep thought for the day.



I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
I’ve wrestled the angel
For more than a name
more than a feeling
more than a ’cause’
I’m singing “Spirit,
Take me up in arms with You!”


—edit: sunday 12:34am —

YAY WORSHIP NIGHT ROCKED.  The set came together really well
despite some technical mishaps, but we just got over them and took care
of it.  Man, we were TOTALLY in control of like… the speed and
volume which was really rare… strange how special things happens when
you just…. set time aside for God.  Amen.  I think the
crowd really liked it too if my sources are good.

Went to Friendly’s afterwards and ate MUNCHIE MANIAs…. yay, going to
be overweight and understrength for the week of Track we have when we
get back.. oh well.. and that paper is just NOT getting very
far oh well.  It just means I have a lot for Sunday
afternoon and Monday.

Did I mention that I still need to finalize my segment for TOMO-er,
TODAY’s worship set?!?!?!?! yes, after 3 hours of practice and 20 more
minutes of practice and then 1 hour of playing and then tomorrow
too?  Scary..

Back to work.

—end edit: sunday 12:37am—

Phew, this has been a very busy break.  I haven’t slept more
than… 7 hours except for my first night.  I went to the
Thanksgiving Assembly at Shady Hill and met up with LOTS of old SHS
alums.  Kevin’s right; he and I turned out pretty well.  A
lot of our old classmates are… ‘degenerate’ if you know what I
mean.  Afterwards hung out in the Square with Powell and
Will.  Turkey Day was largely uneventful, did a lot of work during
the day (or tried to at least) and then went to James Chen’s house
(Scion was also there) for dinner which was good.

Yesterday, Black Friday, went shopping and bought a lot of, um,
“dressier” stuff, like dress shirts, ties, a pair of shoes, a suit
*gasp*, belts, socks etc.  I felt kinda grown up trying on
the jacket and pants and everything so now I have a serious
arsenal of classy clothing.  Did more work
afterwards.  English paper is essentially finished (translate:
just need to edit) and I’ve started my E. Asian paper, though it’s not
easy.  I haven’t touched Econ.

Went to practice @ Church today real early at 9am, with
Dunkin’ Donuts as my breakfast.  They have pretty good coffee, let
alone their REALLY GOOD breakfast sandwiches.  Anyways, practiced
for 3 hours including the English songs, which I’m not part of, so for
the first part I was just singing along for fun and supervising chords
and stuff.  Then I led our 6 and they went well, and tonight will
be good I’m quite sure.  We’re going to have lunch soon.

This worship thing is so awesome.  I wish we had more time to
prepare and such, heck I’d even like to do more songs, although 6 is
quite a lot… then again, Sunday I have to plan 4 more and
cumulatively I’ll be playing 10 (Kathy and Mike are each preparing
3).  So yeah.  And I need to go now.


find me here and speak to me
i want to feel You, i need to hear You
You are the light that’s leading me
to the place where i find peace again…

Going home pretty soon.  Math test yesterday was hard
I’ve been staying up late everyday for the last…. maybe 5 days. 
Never before 12, usually around 1, last night I was up till 2 am;
writing envelopes for teacher recs, 60 pages of English reading,
finishing E. Asian reading.  *sigh*

I got the new David Crowder CD.  While I was working I heard the song Come and Listen and
I was just, overcome by the incredible pressure of all I have to do and
the message of the song.  It’s one of those REALLY simple songs,
like I Need Words on the Can You Hear Us? CD
by David Crowder.  It’s just simple, simple and easy to relate
to.  I was so under the weight of everything (it was 11 already
and most of my hw was untouched) and I really did just want to quit it
and lay down and “come and listen” as the song says.

Today however is break.  And I’m very thankful.  God woke me
up this morning because I didn’t hear my alarm clock go off…. I’m
really slipping here, academically I’m losing interest/focus and I need
to get back and do my devos.  But this break is really not going
be much of a break in many ways.  I’ll be planning 9 songs for
church, I’ll be going ot SHS tomorrow for Thanksgiving alumni
gathering, I’ll be writing an English paper, an E. Asian History paper,
and THE Econ paper…. that’s like… 20 pages of papers in there and
everything.  *sigh* Needing a divine … whatever it is, some
divine assistance to get it all done.

Ok, I need to go pack now.  Almost home.


come and listen
come to the waters edge all you
to know and hear the Lord
come and listen
come to the waters edge all you
who are thirsty come
– david crowder band

I’m currently at home after what’s been a tremendously long week. 
The really cool…. power surge I got on Wednesday night didn’t let and
the whole last half of the week has been great.  I got back my
Econ test on Thursday and the grade was good
Track has been awesome so far: we’ve been going outside
(*cold*) which ain’t too cool, but Coach is giving
Zoom and me different workouts, a little bit harder since we’re both
coming off Vars seasons and are already pretty fit.  We’ve been
getting out earlier.  Friday was crazy busy: Took the Optional
Test for Physics 7th period, had practice, had dinner, began the ACF
meeting (worship), ran to Stabes’ house for dessert (captain election:
hurray for co-captains Kenny & Bramhall), ran back to ACF to finish
it up and have Core Group Meeting…. and Core Group Meeting was
definitely needed.  We’ve all been under a lot of pressure, and we
had a really intense sharing, about the things we feel are lacking at
ACF.  God’s been burdening my heart to try and work more
effectively for ACF.  Afterwards however, one of our Core Groupers
was feeling faint from exhaustion/overexertion (working too much)
and we drove to Isham in Emily’s car.  And we our sick amiga to ze
nurse and then her HC, Ms. Yao came (who’s also my Physx teacher)…
and I found out then that I’d forgotten about the different sign-in
time.  Since there were Saturday classes, sign-in was 10 and not
11; I’d been cruising for 22 minutes!  Luckily Ms. Yao talked to
Hagler and Hagler cleared it all… talk about rule breaking!

Saturday went and lifted in the weight room in the morning.  I
haven’t lifted, really lifted since May*shock*.  Kinda
sore still.  Went to see Harry Potter with Mike, Faaez, Andrew,
Josh and Felicity, and it was pretty good.  But Cho Chang is
disappointing; she’s just not that pretty a Chinese girl.  And
Fleur is even MORE disappointing! Like…. seriously, get some better
casting… *shakes head*

Today I led worship, and did some technical stuff.  Some people
thought it was too abrupt with the 3 songs that were linked with one
particular chord as the transition, Em – E – E – Em (1st song again),
but hopefully people liked the new song.  I’m at home now and am
doing my Senior Page for ze yearbook.  YAY there are
some funny and good pictures here.

God’s been really good to me.  In sum:
Mon-Wed = was screwy, messed up, a mess cuz of the loss and my …. hateful outburst.  Spiritually out of it.
Wed night = God handed me…. a task, a blessing.  God restored
me.. definitely. and I’m committed to it, and glad to be awake again.
Thu-Sun = Spiritually in tune, aware, and focused on what God’s been asking.  It’s been really great.


O, You’re the one… to

raise me up from this grave

touch my tongue and then i’ll sing

heal my limbs and joyfully i’ll run to You
-david crowder band

Dum dee dum.  I’m in ze library, taking a study break.  I have an optional Physics test tomorrow… and I should be studying but I’m really disaffected towards work lately.  Not a good thing/sign.  I got back an Econ test today, and E. Asian, Math, and Physics tests on Monday.  Two good grades (including a, yes, 119 on my East Asian test due to exploitation of the MASSIVE extra credit section), one grade, and one grade (Physics) but in relation to the class, the Physics grade was normal so… *shrug*

Indoor Track has started, consequently, so has my tenure as Captain.  It’s been a little rocky, we’ve changed the stretching routine (for the better I think) but things like… jumping jacks, the yelling traditions etc. have been iffy…. have to work that out.

Things have gotten better with God lately, had a… cool kinda… “revelation”, well, no, not a revelation but… a sense from on high.  And it kinda woke me up after this weekend’s disastrous emotional/confidence/spiritual crash started by our loss at Schols.  I’ve been kinda garbage the entire week but last night I just kinda went “whoa… I gotta stop being screwy” and definitely felt MUCH better.  God’s pretty amazing.

Thanksgiving Break is almost here….  don’t have a lot of time (which has… various implications if urgency and… yeah).  Phew, just gotta make it through.



when you come back down
if you land on your feet
i hope you find a way
to make it [back] to me


Went to bed pretty late last night, after the extremely angry and
disappointed essay I pumped out.  Yeah, for any of you who read
it, I’m really not as angry as I sound, I’m really not as hateful, I’m
really… not as mean as I sound either.  I just lost it last
night.  If any of you still want to read it (though I warn that
it’s VERY serious) you can ask me I guess.  I’m taking it off, it
shouldn’t be up there.

Got to talk to Sean some last night, about… the loss, the other stuff
in the essay, and everything.  Haven’t had a good talk with him
for awhile.  Tonight I talked with Dave, and that too was
good.  It seems that these came at good times I guess, definitely
helped a little.  Brothers are good things to have.

Led worship today.  I dunno how I was; I couldn’t hear or sing
very well cuz I’m sick…  hopefully it was all right.  Man,
when I get so messed up, I wonder if I should lead a set that week at
all.  I think it was all right.  Justin Wu came to church
today, and that was really good to see him.  He and I aren’t
particularly tight, but he’s been wanting to come to CGC (on and off as
far as his interest goes) for awhile, and I’m glad he showed up. 
Hopefully he’ll be back again, maybe regularly if it’s right for him.

Did some homework.  I have Physics which I haven’t touched, and
it’s 2 assignments worth.  And I’m still sick.  And still
kinda blah… fricking a.  I want God to… fix something. 
Something in this befouled contraption that is me is messed up… I
don’t know what it is.  I just want to be fixed, or fueled, or
something.  I want a miracle of some sort.

Back to math.


i’m alive, but not yet well.  but HE’ll get me there…

because You died and rose again

—EDIT 11/11 9:40pm—
Going to Schols tomorrow.  Luckily, Discenza is running; I don’t
have to run Varsity *phew*.  I need to pray.  I need to
sleep.  Wish me luck.

Here’s a survey I completed today.

10 years ago … I was… 7 years old, almost 8 years old… so 2nd grade.  My teacher’s name was Mrs. Rhodes.  We had a pretty good class I remember.  Not a whole lot happened in 2nd grade… I’d started taking piano lessons the year before.  Super Nintendo was the game system of choice way back when.  Is there anything else to say about this?  2nd grade.

5 years ago …
I was… in 7th grade, at Shady Hill.  For PA people, this is the 2nd year that I knew Kevin (KMak).  7th
grade was the time when we became all… “responsible” or whatever in
school, we started languages officially, my first year of Spanish.  We
officially started upper school sports, I did soccer, and volleyball
(yes, volleyball, it was fun) and then track in the spring.  That was also my first year in the Youth Group.  The first youth event I remember was the… mission conference?  In any case, Joyce’s friend, Chris (who could do the Robot and all that stuff) came and delivered the message.  Yay.

1 year ago … 
year I was a junior [upper for PA people] and… about this time I was
fully engaged in lots of work, like Bio 560, and other classes… I was,
at that point, still with Bec.  I was up and
coming for Cross Country, actually exactly one year ago, I was freaking
out cuz I was going to Schols and didn’t want to go, and was scared to
go.  But it was a good time, it was one of the most hard core races we ever ran; 4 inches of snow.  Geez.  Last
fall was the first year that I became worship leader, after the initial
chaos after the summer and figuring out who leader would be.  Joyce wasn’t here was she… no she wasn’t, Joyce was in Thailand, feeding the fat baby and making him fatter.  Steve was youth leader last year that means.  Wow, how time flies.

Yesterday … 
I … had Econ test (double period) and then… Double English (only 2 classes cuz of Math/Science free cuts due to FCD week).  Practice took a long time cuz of the strategic meeting we had after; and Coach gave me yet another heart attack.  If Discenza is hurt, I run Varsity, which is bad.  But he may not be hurt, which would be good.  Yay.  And… I studied for my Math test which was pretty hard – Integrals = evil.  Especially when they’re hard.

5 snacks I enjoy …
Umm…. 1) Ice Cream. Cookie Dough is great, so is good coffee ice cream.  2) Ramen noodles.  It may not be healthy for you, but… it tastes good.  3) Dried mangoes (and second to that, pineapple).  They’re really sugar-coated, and probably have lots of preservatives, but that’s ok.  4)

5 songs I know all the words to …
Just five?  Are you kidding me? Ok… 1) Everything by Lifehouse.  2) Konstantine by Something Corporate.  3) Obsession by David Crowder Band.  4) Filled With Your Glory by Starfield.  5) The Sun by Maroon 5.  And many, many more.

5 places I would run away to …
1) My dorm room.  2) Home.  3) Library [school or town library]. 4) Bookstores are good to run away to, like Barnes & Noble or something I guess.  5) Church in a way.  Sunday mornings, when I get there before the other worship team people, if it’s quiet, that is sorta like a refuge.

5 things I would do with a million dollars …
1) Pay off the mortgage we have for sure.  2) Buy my Dad a car he wants, like the Infiniti G35.  3) Save a bunch of it / invest it.  4) Give some: help with the Church’s crazy debt, and other charity stuff that arises.  5) Buy some cool stuff
like the iPod Video, Motorola Razr phone (I don’t really want one, but
they ARE cool), a sicknasty laptop, some DVDs, and LOTS of books, cuz I
really like to buy books.

5 things I would never wear …
1) A skirt/dress, how’s this: no girl clothes in general.  2) Goth clothes.  3) Pants as tight as Daniel’s (aka, girl-jeans).  4) Girl make-up (TV or stage make-up is different, though I don’t expect much of this either).  5) Popped collars on polos or shirts (though this isn’t as severe as the other 4 things).

5 favorite TV shows … 1) Lost.  2) Prison Break.  3) Family Guy.  4) Simpsons (though I haven’t watched it in forever.)  5) Twenty-Four (like the 1st and 3rd seasons).

5 bad habits …
1) I crack my knuckles.  2) I get angry easily.  3) I judge quickly and say mean things (or think mean things too).  4) I lead girls on and it’s rarely a good thing.  ‘Nuf said.  5) I get lonely when I don’t really “need” to.  Does this make sense?

5 biggest joys … 1) A good worship set, not just in music, but… when it has that right FEEL.  2)
Vacation days that are ALL mine, i.e. time I can spend alone, to play
piano, read books, play video games, meet up with friends, run etc. etc.  3) Watching good movies with good friends.  They’re always fun.  4) Driving somewhere by myself, or just doing something independently, like being in Boston, or driving out and about.  5) Eating good home-cooked meals, because Mom cooks really well and I only eat them once a week during the school year.

5 favorite toys …
I’m guessing as a child… 1) Super Nintendo, as aforementioned, was great.  Good old-school games, like Mega Man X, or Kirby Superstar, yeah.  2) Paper and pen; this is like mate, but really, I mean drawing.  As a kid, I used to draw a lot, especially with my church buddies.  3) Books: I always read a lot, and still like to.  I would read in the car all the time when we traveled or on the plane.  I still read when I have the time during vacations.  4) CD player: I guess this became “important” around 7th grade.  I’ve been using my CD player a lot this year when I study in the library.  It’s not technically a “toy” but whatever.  5) GameBoy was also my good travel buddy in my younger years.  Original, Color, Advance and such were companions for my plane and car rides.

5 fictional characters I would date … 
This is a funny question, especially cuz most of the girls are taller than me *sigh*.  Hehehe. 1) the Chinese girl from “Shanghai Knights.”  2) Lana Lang or Lois Lane from Smallville, but Lana’s fickle and mean to Clark.  So maybe not.  3) Evangeline Lily from Lost is pretty cute, plus she’s all tough, and able to do things (even though the Feds are after her).  4) Rachel McAdams’ character from Wedding Crashers, but no Regina George from Mean Girls, cuz she was mean.  Nor do I want to get hit by a bus.  5) Keira Knightley from Love Actually, even though she kinda picks the wrong guy (a la the movie).

—END EDIT 11/11 9:45pm—

This week I have 4 tests, in 4 days.  Three down (Physics,
East Asian and Econ) and one to go (Math).  This is Schols/A-E
week and I have all this crap to do.  But, God has a good plan and
good foresight; it’s FCD week (so, drug workshops and such) too so I
had no Math or Physics doubles this week.  This meant I can use
the hours to do the necessary studying to get good grades.  Yay
for God, seriously, I know this is His timing here.

I’m fricking tired.  I slept between 7.5 hours at most and 6 on
average per night.  Pray for me, I really need physical suppliance
from God.  He’s been good so far, and I’m just asking that He keep
it up.

Pray for my race this weekend.  This is Interschols:
Division I championship.  Ten schools compete; this is a big
deal.  I was supposed to run as one of the JV captains, so at the
front of the JV race somewhere… but a last-minute injury may push me
up to Varsity.  As “great” as this sounds that I’m being promoted,
it’s not good.  It’s not good for the team, or it’s a reflection
of that, and it’s not good for me, and I don’t want to move up. 
We could win both JV and Varsity (the harder prize) this year. 
Heck, both PA Boys and Girls could do it; we could have a sweep.  But that’s useless thinking.  Pray for me.  All will be made clear tomorrow.

Last bit of studying.  Out.


Draw me close to You
Never let me go
-David Ruis