Monthly Archives: February 2006

Dean’s Week

It’s crunch time.  Turned in a Math take-home piece yesterday, took a wicked hard Physics test today…  Have Engl2 and Econ papers “due” on Thursday – Engl2: Ms. Fulton says that if we’re substantially well along in our papers, she’ll give us till Monday / Econ: Mr. Perry will deduct .25 point per day in order to encourage us to take till Monday (instead of 1 points, then 2 points etc.).  I also then have Engl1 paper or in-class (depending on which I choose) on Monday.  Basically, get Engl2 out of the way, finish Econ ASAP and …. do the in-class for Eng1 on Monday (it takes the least time I guess).  It’s not a good/easy week.  We’ll have our last ACF meeting this term though, informal, worship set on… Saturday I’m thinking.


Things have been a little rough on the faith side. My own walk is ok, except that this week I’ve missed devos cuz I’ve slept past my alarm everyday so far.  I’m hoping to make it up; I get really annoyed when I wake up and it’s like… 20 minutes after I groggily shut the alarm off.  Things with church and ACF are… also iffy.  It’s hard to tell, hard to know what to do still, but I guess it’s good that I’m not as worried.  For ACF, the term is just about over so this last meeting is all I’ve got to worry about.  Church… well, I dunno *shrug*.  We’ll see.  But I was happy with worship set on Sunday.  I really really like that Phil Wickham song.


Gotta get back to commenting on parenting in Bleak House.


——


Your love is deeper than any ocean
higher than the heavens
reaches beyond the stars in the sky


Jesus Your love has no bounds
Jesus Your love has no bounds
-Phil Wickham

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Amen

I have survived this week with God’s help…  I’m still sick, but I woke up this morning profoundly an tangibly less wretched; I could actually swallow oatmeal at practice instead of bracing for the pain as I forced it down. Yes… gross.


Having no sports has given me a lot of time to do work and so I’m caught up! *dances* I’ve been reading/working like crazy to catch up.  I took TWO tests on Thursday, Econ and Math (I studied 20 minutes for Math… scary).  I read 225 pages of Bleak House for Thursday as well, in addition to studying for those tests.  I completed Physics corrections for today (so I can get some points back).  It’s been busy, but I’ve been able to do it and I’ve also been able to get a lot of sleep.  God’s been very generous, seriously.  I woke up this morning and I was absolutely joyful, glad to feel less sick, glad that the week was over, glad that I’d been to TC not too long ago.  It was great.


Tonight, I’m going to Senior Soiree for… mocktails and good food with the rest of ’06.  Core group wants to have a prayer meeting tomorrow morning… but it’s darn early and being sick I really don’t know what I’m gonna do.  I plan to go to the Andover-Exeter Hockey game tomorrow @ 4, and then I may be going out to dinner with Kit, Marty, and Peter to celebrate a good season and wish the new captains a good one next year.  Not sure exactly what’s going on.


I’m already prepping the set for Sunday already!  It’s so much fun since I have time, and I’ve found a way to get PWArchive to give me the chords and the lyrics all the time.  Hurrah for worship set.


——


You made my heart to long for You
You’ve set my mind on
things above
You’ve made my soul find rest in You
You are my song You are my
strength
– benny mao

TC 2006

Back from TC, very tired, very sore throat, very different experience, but very glad.

TC is so often what we look for to try and repair our relationship with
God, we look to the sermons and the worship and the huddles to help us
put our issues out in front of God (most often it is…. business,
laziness, apathy) and we the nature of the retreat does its
magic.  And retreats are good at that, there’s nothing wrong with
it.  But it was different this year for me because interestingly
enough there is no crisis going on this year.  There is no friend
with issues, there is no fallout damage from the break-up; my faith is
actually on the upswing.  So instead of being repaired, I came
into this TC looking to be built upon.

For me, only some of the speaker sessions helped me, and only the ones
at the end.  But that doesn’t mean that Alvin was a bad speaker or
chose a bad topic.  I think that the first 3 were issues,
problems, hurdles I’d been dealing with recently – the idea of holding
onto two ropes and choosing God over the other is something I’m
familiar since the problem in my relationship with Becca was
essentially deciding which rope was right.  I made the right
choice and Alvin reaffirmed it, but I’d already made that choice. 
So I was sorta waiting for something newer, something revolutionary for
me.  It got better when he started talking about Christ’s love
doing more.  I like the “Shake the world” idea.  I have
forgotten that LIVING authentically and SERVING God are not activities
that I should practice with ACF or church in mind.  Spending
energy on making ACF and worship sets for CGCM good is important, but
equally important is the use of energy on the totally authentic
life.  I’d forgotten that.  It lines up with my latest
inklings of what God’s been doing in my life – being “a light” idea has
been clearly affirmed and made practically in this TC.  The last
one was pretty good too.  So I liked Alvin, especially because I
spoke with him during his ‘office hours’ about some of the leadership
trials I’ve been undergoing.  But I feel like God’s POINT wasn’t
in the message for ME this year.  I know that the messages did
great things for many of my brothers and it truly amazes me how God can
just…. make things work for some and use very different things to
work for others.  So God’s objective for me was not in the
messages.

Where I did find the greatest impact was… the Prayse Fire (to isolate
it).  As I’ve been writing and saying, the burdens, the concerns,
the worries, the fears, the weight of leading has been feeling much
heavier lately.  Well… maybe not just lately, but it feels like
there was a whole bunch of weight I hadn’t been aware of before that
suddenly has been added on.  In doing the huddles with Steve, with
Alvin, with talking about my frustrations and unsureness and my wish
for an answer, I came to Prayse Fire and shared again.  And I’m
glad I received prayer.  You know, I haven’t been prayed over like
that for…… ages.  I’m most often doing ministry or worship or
leadership stuffems, most often working or battling or something. 
I have not been prayed over, prayed for directly in so long.

But enough about me, that’s not the point again!

Where I did find it was at the Prayse Fire yes, but not in what I said
or received directly actually but in what I saw, and heard, and
felt.  From the Prayse Fire onward, it was not about me, but about
my brothers and sisters and what they said.  I saw breakthroughs
that night, breakthroughs that I did not expect to see, did not expect
to hear.  I am so joyful that people in our church went up that
night, I’m thankful for my two brothers who went up.  I’m so
thankful for Paul and Daniel’s conviction to go up there.  That
really encouraged me.  With Abe from BCEC and with Christoph as
well from our church, I was encouraged.  That night, praying with
other people and knowing that God was making noise in their hearts,
allowing them to take bold steps and make commitments and decisions
that were so necessary yet so difficult (that night, today,
both).  I was so glad to hear the openness, to hear words that
were not apathetic or “*shrug*whatever”.  I have forgotten that
God does work definitively and in my selfishness and self-centerdness,
I have forgotten that God works without me.  Seeing God’s
single-handed power encouraged me to pray and talk with and try with
others that night and onward, I was spurred on to care and to act
again.  I’ve been running on fumes and this was a real
reminder.  I’m so proud of those that spoke at our church
sharing.  I was so glad to hear the younger youth speak for the
first time at a sharing, to hear words from people who’ve been broken
proclaim victory, to hear words from compassionate people pleading us
to pray for their friends or family, so glad to hear those with
empowered clarity sharing their new insights and discoveries.  I
had forgotten that God works single-handedly, that God works boldly,
that God works always, that God doesn’t need me.  I have placed
too much emphasis on the power of Man’s self-determination and free
will.  Though we have it, God’s love and desire to take us back is
so great that He tries to the point of death, every time, for every
person.  I’d forgotten that He fights for us so strongly, so
willingly, so unselfishly.  I’d been placing so much faith in “Man
can block God out” and though we can, I’d forgotten that deep down
inside we almost always still have a piece of Him in there, somewhere,
that God can light up and remind us with.  I’d forgotten the
Omnipotence, the Power, the Warmth of Jesus Christ.  Silly me, no
wonder I’ve been so worried.

So I have no spiritual high.  Period.  And that’s fine with
me.  What I do have is the sudden realization that I’ve been
fighting so hard and worrying so much when, if I place more trust in
Him, my fight could be so much less stressful.  Reliance is the
word.  So that’s my TC in a nutshell.  God made me useful
again, God made me bold and empowered again, God made me able to effect
a change in our church (if I even did that, but that’s not up to me to
decide), God reminded me that He’s got it all covered.  That’s a
relief.

The song I liked most was by the Parachute Band.  The chorus
really struck me.  “My Calvary”… that rung with me. 
Because I really feel like the stresses I’ve had are a mission, are the
mission.  Struggles have a different nature, but I held with
that.  So I leave you with that and sorry this was so long.

—-
So I lift [& keep] my eyes to You Lord

In Your strength will I break through Lord

Touch me now and let Your love fall down on me

I know Your love dispels all my fears



Through the storm will I   hold on  Lord

And by faith [not.by.deeds] will I walk on Lord

And I’ll see beyond my Calvary one day

And I will be complete in You
-Parachute Band

VICTORY!!!

[EDIT]

WE WON!!! ALL THREE MEETS, Boys Vars, Girls Vars, and Boys JV! 
Today was…. amazing.  God was really really there in my races,
in my steps, in my breaths.  I have never run so fast.  It
makes no sense really, not with the amount of sleep the other bothers I
have today and everything.  But I do believe that He was
there.  I placed 1st in the 50 (part of our only SWEEP!!!! YES)
and got 1st place in the 300 and to go with it, I cut my best time by
0.5 seconds (which, in the 300, is quite impossible at the level I run
at… scary) so it’s now 35.9sec.  So I’m pleased.

Aside from the meet, I had a Physics test which was REALLY REALLY
hard… Double English1 discussing the end of the book I haven’t
finished…. I slept all of 7th double-free (in the big comfy chair I
brought into Garver).  After the meet, had
dinner then hung out in the library with Kit for a bit until the Econ
lecture at 8.  Now I’m in my room and I’ve just sent out a letter
to commemorate our victory over Exeter.  Hoo-AH!  And I have
a 5-page paper for English2 due tomorrow.  Crap.  Ok out.

—–

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006.

Dear Teammates, Dear Fighters, Dear Victors:

Today was the achievement of everything and more than I have
hoped for this team.  Boys, Girls,
Varsity, JV – every athlete at every level today performed beyond any captain’s
wildest dreams.  You raced and threw and
vaulted and jumped with such heart, with such determination, with such
power.  Every single point tallied today
is because of your sheer will.  Every
single point was hard-earned with your energy and your sacrifice.

Today was a day of heroic feats and grand attempts on a
scale that I have not seen since champions like Sheldon, O’Shea, Frekker,
Dlesk, McBride or Robie have graduated and gone.  I have never seen so many PRs, so many
all-out races, so many people give everything that they have for the sake of
self-improvement and for the sake of the team. 
In every heat of every race and on every attempt of every jump or throw
or vault, you singularly devoted yourselves to the task at hand.  I am in awe of the results today.  The goals that were a reach were made to look
easily attainable, and that which seemed impossible was conquered.  This was no a development year, this was a
year of victory.

Girls and Boys, you have successfully defeated a reigning
behemoth of track and field in our league. 
You have toppled last year’s NEPSTA champions, you have fought the red
Polypheme with underdog tenacity and shown them that a prescribed outcome will
not be tolerated and an arrogant gesture will not be allowed; you have set
Goliath in his place.  I am proud of each
and every one of you.  I hope that you
realize the deeds you have accomplished and made your own.  This victory is wholly yours, no one
person’s, no one grade’s – it belongs to every one of you, on either team, at
every level.

So revel in what we have done.  I do not mean for us to be cocky; remember
that they are worthy and vengeful opponents who will try to bite us back next
season.  But understand that you have
surpassed so many goals and marks and hopes and strategies, and become in your
own right a team of heroes.

This victory was rightly and fairly won.  Congratulate yourselves and rest with the
knowledge of the glory that took place today. 
It is not often that a group can distinguish themselves so boldly.  You band of leviathan-slayers will go far.  It has been an honor to captain you and a
privilege to run beside and cheer for you. 
I am well-satisfied to mark my very last meet indoors with this shining
triumph.

Yours, humbly and joyously,

-Greg Hsu

—–

[END EDIT]

Tomorrow: Physics Test 1st period.  Finish English1 book for 2nd
period.  Nap 7th period (probably).  EXETER MEET @ 2:30
(Warm-up @ 1:45).  I wrote a letter to inspire the chaps. 
It’s kinda over the top but just… imagine that this is your most
important competition or your school’s most important competition (if
you are an athlete or one with school pride) and I think you’ll get it.

—-

Tuesday, Februray 14, 2006.

Dear Gentlemen, Dear Teammates, Dear Soldiers:

Tomorrow is our meet against Exeter.  This is the day, most important, most
revered, most competitive and most significant for us.  This is the day where we meet our red-clad
foes and test our mettle.  We will jump,
we will throw, we will vault, we will run to prove who is the better.  We will cheer and scream and shout and pray
for our teammates as they go head to head, elbow to elbow, and mark to mark against
our rivals.  This is the day we love yet
fear the most.

Tomorrow’s meet will be difficult; I cannot stress that
enough.  They have several proven
athletes that we have faced (either last year, or last week, or last season for
my fellow Cross-Countrymen) that we know will bring the heat without remorse.  This is not going to be easy; the scales are
not in our favor.  But that does not mean
that we are doomed.  It simply means that
victory is going to require every ounce of ferocity, blood, oxygen and effort
that you can muster, every inch of empowered muscle and sinew within.  It will not come easily, but it can be done.

Tomorrow we will need real, raw, unfettered effort to win,
we will need runners to fight and kick with all they have until they have
crossed the tape and not a second before. 
You must race with everything, regardless of how your vision quivers and
darkens at the very last steps.  We will
need jumpers to avoid faults, to reach long and high and refuse to give up even
if you have only one more attempt left and the Exie in front of you is
regrettably winning.  Forget what he has jumped;
think only of what you can do.  We will
need throwers to embrace the idea of “51” and throw with Herculean, promethean
strength, to throw farther than ever. 
Throw your best, throw better than your best, throw with intensity.  A win will require nothing less.

I am not asking for the impossible; indeed, you are all
excellent, no matter your heat, no matter your PR, no matter your best
throw.  I do not mean to say that winning
is everything; it isn’t.  Regardless of
the outcome, there will be PRs set and new heights reached – they are always to
be celebrated.  But I know that each and
every one of you who is a part of this team wants this victory, wants these
bragging rights, wants to beat them without the cheap and cheesy “safety
school” or “red meat” chants – you are higher than that so compete
honorably.  This is the real stage, this
is a battle of epic proportions, this is the field where titans clash and snarl
with pride for who we are.  Do not make
the mistake of calling them unworthy opponents, but do not write us off, by no
means write us off.  We come from a great
tradition of warlike runners and heroic athletes.  We have the chance to write that legacy anew. 

Prepare yourselves; prepare to fight with all you’ve got.  You know you want it.  Want it enough and act upon it, and we may
have our victory tomorrow.

With great faith and camaraderie,

-Greg Hsu

AHHHHHH Snow/No More Long Weekend

Man, long weekend’s over and quite a weird one.  So I went home Friday evening.  Did 3 loads of laundry (dark colors, light, and towels) which was good since I’ve worn out lots of clothes since I didn’t go home last week after church because of my interview.  So yay for clean clothes.  So Saturday, with all the laundry, I got to eat food at home, and drive around and buy stuff (pencil lead, nothing special).  I came back to school on Saturday night (instead of MONDAY night…) because of the impending blizzard, and Joyce said I should because church was gonna be cancelled.  Mike’s dad drove me back up which was very nice of him.


Yesterday, as expected, church was scratched due to inclement weather.  I went downtown for brunch with Andrew and Josh (Josh was dressed really funny, he looked so thug, it was great) to Dunkin’ Donuts in the HUGE snowstorm.  We walked in the streets because the sidewalks weren’t plowed.  We had to be careful cuz cars can’t stop on icy surfaces.  After brunch, did a buncha work and then Kit came around and brought cookies which were yummy.  Then I watched The Interpreter in the dorm.


Today, went to Physics review session at 10:30 (early I know…) then did Physics studying after brunch.  Did a speed workout at the track with Kit (since neither of us have been running this weekend – whoops  Dinner at Commons with the crew then started prep for my English paper, finally.  So yes, pretty mundane weekend I guess.  Coming back in with all classes tomorrow, Physics test (on a hard section) as well as Exeter meet on Wednesday, English paper due Thursday, and leaving for TC on Friday!  This meet will be my last meet as Captain of Indoor, and last indoor meet at Andover… kinda scary.  I hope I do well, but my right calf has been testy at prolonged, high-speed work (today’s workout had my easing up very sharply to avoid a charlie horse; that I cannot have).


Have to stay focused.  Have to keep my eyes up.  I have to.  God reminded me yesterday that when I don’t stay aimed correctly, things crash, life empties, etc. etc. – don’t worry nothing happened, but He reminded me so I got the picture.  Have to stay focused.


——


don’t let this love grow cold
i’m calling out, light the fire again
don’t let this vision die
i’m calling out, light the fire again
-?

LONG WEEKEND!!!

Long weekend’s about to start.  Andover’s stupid and so we have THIS weekend long instead of the normal one so… I’ll be missing class for TC so… yeah.  I got a much better grade on my English1 in-class so that was nice.  I got a 100 on my Math take-home (being the point of a take-home) and turned in Physics corrections.


This week has been better for sleep.  My average hourage has gone from like….. 5.5 to 6.6, maybe even 7 so that was nice.  Practice has been all right, no meets again this week (9th and 10th grade only on Wednesday).  The weekend will be a nice break, with Exeter next Wednesday.


I’ll be going home tonight at 6 so… until then…. I have nothing… packing, napping, doing some work maybe.  I think I’m getting a ride from Sean back up to school on Monday (if we even have church at all… grr… stupid snowstorm).


I think things are getting easier, less stressful perhaps though they’re not necessarily going away.  I’m not as worried or riled about them maybe cuz I don’t think I’m going to be getting any sort of solution or answer (probably because it’s not for me to have since it’s not really about me… this is extremely vague sorry).


Ok out.

Wondering what to do next.  I dunno if we’re having an ACF meeting this Friday.  ACFers, feel free to express an opinion – if there’s moderate interest, we might just hold one.  But other things… are complicated.  The two things on my mind feed each other; in my mind.  That’s really vague.  Sorry.  Wondering about Danny’s view on leadership.  I’m coming to it somewhat I think, but I don’t know necessarily how to make it work, or implement it exactly.  Be more open, be less visible, be more of a servant.  I get him, I get it… Just… thinking.  The one thing that I’m having issues fitting with it is the aspect of experience.  I don’t know what part it would play.  Because if it’s not important, then who needs me?  If there’s no point to experience, firsthand or learning-wise… why have me?  That nullifies whatever knowledge I have of the Bible, the scripture, or the more esoteric study.  That nullifies the first-hand, the “I’ve been there,” the scars, the point of having done whatever I’ve done or gone through whatever I’ve gone through.  If we go with Danny’s view of it, then…. I feel like it’s blind leading the blind.  It just… I’m so bothered by that because I never had anyone to draw me a map or carve me a trail… and it’s too often been a difficult road.  But the point of my scars are, often enough, to prevent others from suffering the same pains, right?  I dunno, this is going around inside my head.  Like, the way I read the scripture is based on what God validates in me, but if it’s all peer-leading and peer-reading, what do I do?


Some good things though; English in-class went much better than last time.  Easy week in Math.  Survived a brutal workout at Track yesterday. Got 6 instead of 5 hours of sleep. Have been more focused with God and occupied with the important – which is really really good.  I’m trying to keep my eyes turned up, more than I have, and I think it’s going all right.  God’s been present lately, in the hard and the easy.


Ok, now it’s time to work


—–


here is our King, here is our love
here is our God who’s come
to bring us back to Him
He is the One, He is Jesus
– david crowder band


p.s. speaking of “bring us back,” I made a playlist this week with that theme.  I like *claps hands*